All Floors Cyclone
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All Floors Cyclone
How do I get a close friend to seek help for a mental disorder he may have?
A very close friend shows signs that he may have a bi-polar disorder. He has major mood swings, appears to talk and laugh to himself often, makes unnatural noises. On rare occassions, he has sat on the floor in a corner and sobbed like a baby because he was depressed (he wasn't under the influence), and when he becomes angry & frustrated, he turns into a human cyclone and destroys all that he can. (He's a big guy- 6'5, 240 lbs. ) He can be pretty frightening. He at least can now admit that "something is going on", but says that if he is bi-polar, he won't take meds because he doesn't believe in them. How do I seriously approach him? I would like to hear from someone with experience...please help!!
It looks like he already knows that something is going on, and that he understands doctors and medicines are used to treat it. It sounds like he is afraid of all this, and for good reason. There is a lot of stigma, heartache, and laying yourself open and vulnerability in admitting this. This compounds the physical problems already there which you mentioned.
Since he can fly off the handle when angry and frustrated, I'd skirt the issue of seeing a doctor.
One thing you can do is tell him that you see his behavior debilitating him. "Eric, I see that some things upset you greatly, and I'm concerned that it is affecting [his feelings, his job, his relationships with people, his sleep, his ability to function]."
Mentioning only that can bring him to the awareness of his situation that he cannot see in himself. I have done things that I never saw the effects of till I was 20 years away from it.
If he wants to talk about it, go ahead and talk. Don't force it on him and don't lecture him. Many times when a person talks, an answer is not needed; the person can reach conclusions himself while talking to you as a sounding board.
He is concerned about taking medicines. I was, too. When I first went into the hospital, I was certain that medicines would make me not me. A very compassionate nurse understood this and encouraged me to trust trying the medicines. I found out, after spending a very suspicious week, that the medicines did not change me, even though I found several side effects in the meanwhile.
Medicines will have side effects, and it is a good idea to find out what those side effects can be, because the whole idea is to help a person be effective in life and not to debilitate him further. One medicine I was given made me dizzy like I was drunk. Another gave me the worst sleep of my life. Another subdued me like I was in a fog all the time. There was a lot of trial and error. Treating a mental illness is like that. I am currently on a medicine that has been effective for me for over 10 years. I am grateful for it.
One other thing that can happen is if the person gets on medicine but after a while stops taking it. Unfortunately, this is like a person with heart disease or a person with diabetes not taking his medicine: it can have disastrous results.
But many people with mental disorders stop taking their medicine when they feel fine. Mental disorders like bipolar and depression are for life. Mental disorders are not caused by bacteria or other invaders. They are physical disorders that cause restricted blood flow and chemical imbalances in the brain that make it easy for debilitating behavior to occur. It is not like a bone fracture which heals in 5 weeks. Chemical imbalances must be constantly treated for a person to function fully.
This information can help you speak with him about taking medicine, but, again, if the subject doesn't come up, it is best not to bring it up.
Also understand that if he gets on medicine, it may be a long time before the right medicine is found. It takes about a month to find out if some medicines are working right. Encourage him to keep track of how he feels, how much sleep he gets, and what side effects he's experiencing. Making a list of this stuff and taking it in to the doctor is the best way of monitoring how well the treatment is doing. In the doctor's office, make sure the doctor answers each question to your complete satisfaction in such a way as you can understand.
Keep listening to him and telling what you know: "I've found out some things that help mental disorders are...", "I understand that medicines do...", and things like that.
Continue to be supportive, but ultimately realize that he must be the one to get treatment.
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